Oprah Magazine - March 2008

From The Oprah Magazine March 2008 with my thoughts:

“‘I love you not for who you are but for who I am when I am with you.’”
I think this is true in a “romantic” relationship as well as in friendships. You are VERY comfortable with this person, and besides feeling GOOD about yourself and SAFE with this person, you feel desirable, worthwhile, esteemed, respected, competent, appreciated, loved (it is difficult for me to find the exact word to describe this).

“I realize now that he was a guy on the make.”
I wonder if guys “on the make” are looking for “conquests” or for a relationship. Maybe it depends on the guy and/or the situation.

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From Oprah’s interview with Sally Field Oprah Magazine March 2008

“At 18 … I barely had all my consciousness at that point ….”
I totally relate to this. At that age, I certainly realized I didn’t know everything, but I didn’t realize how little I knew in so many different areas! Although I did have strong feelings, I didn’t have appreciation for what really is important in life, namely friendship and love with family and friends. I definitely had a lot of SELF-consciousness – I wanted to hide and not be noticed!

“Lonely would be the word I’d use to describe myself as a kid.”
That is exactly how I would describe my childhood and early adulthood. I was an only child, and although I feel that encouraged my very close relationship with my parents, it did leave me feeling isolated. I had a few close friends and good acquaintances, but I never had a confidant. My dog, Skip, was almost like a brother to me! My insecurities along with my introspective nature led to a very private relationship with God.

“I didn’t come from a place where I had a lot of self-confidence.”
I guess I could describe myself (especially in school) as “fearful.” My goal was to blend in, not make waves, almost be invisible, so I could avoid criticism or humiliation. I felt I was neither intelligent nor attractive. I was very introspective and VERY self-conscious. I avoided “formal” social situations because of my shyness and lack of self-confidence. I pretended I had NO interest in the opposite sex; better to “lonely” than thought a fool for thinking any girl or woman would want to “date” me.

“I grew up and moved out of a fog.”
For me this was a gradual “awakening.” Maybe I am still going through this. I feel the older I get, the more aware I become of myself, others, and my environment. Possibly this is a lifetime journey.

“I was really shy.”
For me this is an understatement!

“I’d had so many years of feeling insignificant and pushed around….”
This is an accurate description of my school years.

“I was sure if [they] found out who I really was ….”
I compartmentalized my life. I let some people see only certain parts of me. I was sure, if anyone knew the REAL me they would certainly be disappointed, shocked, and disgusted.

“I needed to make people happy or make them not threatening to me or when I didn’t want to be sexual. I was safe there.”
By denying I had ANY interest in the opposite sex, I avoided feeling foolish or embarrassed.

“… this amazing thing was happening to me. ‘I can’t deny the fact that you like me right now, you like me!’”
To realize and feel that others (acquaintances, friends, family) like and love me is the ultimate!

“…a moment to stop and say, something good is happening here. I have been successful. I am seen and appreciated. If you’re busy thinking, Gosh, I’m not pretty or smart enough, your spirit is undernourished.”
Going through life feeling totally self-conscious actually deprives you of living and experiencing what life has to offer. It also cripples you, and you end up not being able to use your talents to help others. Being extremely self-conscious is almost selfish.

“The people who stand on the sidelines and criticize aren’t actually in the arena, spilling their blood.”
So much of society, I feel, spends far too much of their life as a spectator – whether it is investing their time and energy in watching sports, TV, movies, or listening to music or reading books and magazines. Adulation of celebrities has influenced not only our economy (OUTRAGEOUS sums of money being paid to athletes to play GAMES and to actors to PRETEND) but it also influences fashion trends, motivating consumers to buy products to be like their celebrity heroes (isn't THAT immature?!). We’ve almost become a nation of “wanna-be’s” – zombies who can’t think for themselves, needing others to decide for them what styles to wear and what products to buy.

We “worship” pop idols and then sit back and criticize them (sports stars, TV and movie personalities) as though WE could do better. This public idolatry ironically corrupts many of these “stars” in ways that most of us could never understand. I feel power and fame (or celebrity) are qualities that any human would have a difficult time handling. When you are treated like a god, you start to believe you are one.

“It took me getting to my 50’s before I could say ‘Whatever!’ about other people’s criticism, especially when it’s not true.” – Oprah
I don’t know if I will ever reach an age when I don’t care at all about other people’s opinion of me. But I am not nearly as bad as I used to be when I was younger, But I do still care – especially what my friends and family think of me.

“But you’ve come clean. Isn’t that great?” – Oprah
Oh my, YES! To be able to be myself, and to feel accepted and good about myself, after years of hiding, is so liberating! It was SHOCKING to realize that I am likeable and even loveable!

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From Oprah’s article “What I Know for Sure” Oprah Magazine March 2008

“If you can get paid for doing what you love, every paycheck is a bonus.”

I pity those who go through life hating their job. They are living a life of slavery. I have to admit there were many years that I worked with the main goal of making it to the summer vacation so that I could live those two and a half months exactly the way I wanted to live. I lived for the summers!

But I was blessed that, during the later years of my career, I reached a point where I did love my job and cherished working with my colleagues. This began to happen for me when I moved to the high school and actually began teaching my colleagues about computers and technology. I feel I gained their respect and developed a special relationship with many of my co-workers. During the last six years of my teaching career, I held the position of High School Building Technical Coordinator. These were the most satisfying years of my career, when I taught special education in the morning and worked with teachers with technology in the afternoon. I was blessed (for the most part) with students that I enjoyed working with. I DID love my job, going into work hours before school started and leaving hours after school dismissed. I was there because I loved doing what I was doing and WANTED to be there! I lost track of when payday was. I was indeed blessed! I wouldn’t have retired if I could have continued my BTC position.

“… the feeling of ‘I love this so much, even if you didn’t pay me I’d show up every day, on time and be happy to be here.’”

That was EXACTLY how I felt. And I spent extra hours each day and extra days during the summer at school because I wanted to be there. I loved my job and enjoyed working with 99% of the staff in the high school. I was VERY fortunate!

“I let money serve its purpose. But I don’t live to serve money.”

This is the perfect way to live! I think at times I do serve money – not by working at a job that I hate, but by denying myself in an effort to save (or hoard?) money. I believe this is directly related to my growing up when my parents had to struggle at times just to pay the bills.

A positive side effect of this was, because we didn’t have money to hire professionals (plumbers, carpenters, electricians, painters, auto mechanics), I learned and enjoyed these basic skills. Growing up I assumed everyone did all of their own work around the house. It would have never have occurred to me that we would actually hire someone to do these things. Even now, when I can afford these professional services, I rarely hire someone to do something I can do myself!