Relationship Manifesto

Relationship Manifesto – by Susie and Otto Collins

If you're not familiar with "The Eurythmics," they are a band started in 1980 by Dave Stewart and Annie Lennox. Over the past 25 years the British duo have sold 75 million albums and had over 20 international hit singles.

When we read the article about them in the Jan./Feb 2006 issue of the magazine "Performing Songwriter," we were so amazed that their method of guiding their business is also essential to creating relationships that are close, connected, alive and growing--as well as keeping that initial "spark" that tends to get lost in a lot of couples.

According to this article, when Dave Stewart and Annie Lennox started the band, they created what they called "a manifesto"-- a list of their intentions, along with their views on music, art and fashion. This list was a guidepost on how they would proceed and make decisions for making the band successful.

Dave Stewart said, "It would have a kind of a yes and a no. We would say yes to Motown, yes to electronic cold European, yes to men's suits. And then we would say no to heavy metal, no to girls' dresses....Every now and then, we'd consult the list if we thought we'd wandered off track."

Not only is this a great way for a band to know if the music they're producing is what they want to be producing but we think this is a really great, practical idea for keeping your relationships, (especially your intimate relationship) alive and growing as well. This is actually what the two of us do on a daily basis to nurture our relationship.

The idea of the "manifesto" is that it gives you an opportunity to consciously decide together what you're about as a couple.

This doesn't mean that you aren't an individual and can't have your own interests. To us, this "manifesto" simply is a guidepost for how you are going to go through life together.

So what might be in your "manifesto"?

To give you some ideas, here are a few of the things that are in our "manifesto" and we invite you to create your own:

1. We are monogamous and it's very obvious to others that we are.

2. We do not run away emotionally or physically when things get tough but find new ways to open to each other.

3. We make our relationship and passion a priority in our lives.

4. We tell each other the truth.

5. We spend time every day connecting with each other.

When we make decisions about the direction of our lives, we do as the Eurythmics do and first check whether it's a yes or a no according to our Relationship Manifesto.

Whether you formally write a document or not, we suggest that you talk about what is important to each of you, if you are with a partner, and create your own manifesto. If you are single, we suggest that you write or talk to a friend about what you want in your relationships (any kind of relationship).

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This is the beginning of what I would like "our" manifesto to be like:

1. We are monogamous – we do EVERYTHING sexually TOGETHER. No secrets whatsoever.

2. We do not run away emotionally or physically when things get tough. We talk and work things out. We are COMMITTED to each other FOREVER.

3. We make our relationship THE priority in our lives. All planning and decisions are made around it. We realize and accept and support each other’s relationship with children, grandchildren, parents, and siblings.

4. We tell each other the truth – ALWAYS.

5. We spend time every day connecting with each other. If we are not physically with each other, we spend time with each other on the phone or online.

6. We share all of our joys, fears, insecurities, fantasies, and dreams with each other openly and without fear of criticism or ridicule because of our complete and unconditional love and acceptance of each other’s uniqueness. We explore our dreams and fantasies together in the safety of our total love for each other.

7. We accept each other’s differences and support each other with unconditional loyalty in all facets of our lives together. We keep communication open at all times, not attacking, but working things out for the best for us as a couple.

8. When we are together, we kiss each other good morning and goodnight and hello and goodbye – never going to bed or parting in anger.


I want my relationship to work, and I am willing to commit myself and promise to work as hard as I can in this relationship to make it last a lifetime.

I want to spend the rest of my life supporting you emotionally and physically, caring for you, and loving you.